change. let’s be okay: days 14 & 15

I can do many things on a whim. I can travel wherever, get a piercing, make bad choices.

I’ve never been able to deal with my hair like that. I get so stressed to the commitment. I love having long hair, it’s the thing that started out the design of the RJ you see now. Tony Hawks Pro Skater. Rock Music. Surfy style. That’s me.

But I know I look better to others with my short puff. My hair is still dealing with the malnutrition I had over Winter so it’s not in the best condition so maybe starting again is a good idea?

This is what I am like, I can fly to Norway on a whim but not book a haircut.

I decided to dye my hair to one colour and then cut my hair short next winter so I don’t have to worry about wind and rain. Good compromise.

I’ve been staying away from my friends a lot lately, but this weekend is me hanging around them for 3 days straight. I feel a lot calmer about this as my anxiety isn’t high. I’m mellowing out. I talked to a friend about how we’ve been and it’s nice to see we are getting better. Things are changing. Some back to the way they were, some to something new.

I made a video for a friend, singing all of the songs he makes new lyrics for into a collection. We drank in a closed bar for his birthday. Then we sang on a stage to an empty crowd  some Hamilton songs. I have work tomorrow.

I fell asleep in a staff room btw.

That was my evening.

Songs of the Days: 
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic – The Police
The Schuyler Sisters – Hamilton

comfort. let’s be okay: day 13

Storm Doris ruined my hair.

That’s how the morning started. Not a good start.

The rest of the day I worked hard and in the quiet moments had lovely chats. Today became comfortable.

Keeping this one simple, no story, no realisation. Today was comfortable.

Song of the Day: A Beautiful Mess – Jason Mraz

enjoy myself. Let’s be okay: day 12

I think I’ve been too obsessed about the opinions of others. Their feelings need to be kept into account with my actions yes, but their opinion on me should not change how I see the things I do.

I heard something recently that stuck with me, I paused and had to figure out why it resonated with me so much.

The world is not an audience that has to listen to me.

I have been shouting for years to be noticed, older brothers and sisters that were always in trouble, always in need of something. So when I got my voice in Media, it felt like people would listen. I could tell people things from my heart and it meant I put myself in EVERY PIECE OF WORK I DID.

If someone didn’t watch, or attacked a part of it or my work ethic. I would be crushed. Like, I was being silenced.

This is not the case and I need to review my work with knowledge that it is flawed and understand that the world does not have to watch my work or me.

Stop letting the idea that “people may not like my work”, or “someone else could do it better”, or “only a few people will watch it so what’s the point” stop me from doing things I love.

Song of the Day: American Boy – Estelle

skills. – let’s be okay: day 11

My parents got me a 35MM camera as a gift for Christmas as they remember me studying in first year of uni how to shoot photography on film, as well as my clear falling into a hipster void of Polaroid, Vinyl and Deer Jumpers.

i am trash.


With this being said, I finally decided to relearn some elements of this by ordering a triple pack of film, ready for my trip to Norway in March which was also finalised today (booking the tickets tomorrow). I’ve been worried about not learning much since leaving University and getting a job, so I need to force myself to learn different things. With my pursuit into media again, I think this’ll be a good place to start.

I also played DnD with my friends this evening… I levelled up to Level 3 now. I’m a beast master. Talk about skills booooy!

Song of the Day: 4AM Monday – Watsky 

evanescence to mise en scène. let’s be okay: day 10

1 third of the way through this bad boy! WOO!

After writing about presenting on a Habbo fansite yesterday, I wanted to talk more about where I started as a media creative. Picture this, it’s 2006 and I’m in love with a Video Game called Kingdom Hearts 2… okay yes, it’s not much different to now but I would have looked like this okay…


I had access to a Windows XP computer with Windows Movie Maker and I began editing AMV’s of Kingdom Hearts to Evanescene songs and The Ping Pong song by Enrique Iglesias. I started uploading them to a new website called YouTube. YES, AT THIS TIME. YOUTUBE WAS NEW. I signed up for an account named TheDoctor2007 but instantly forgot my password and made a new one called badwolfcurse.  

My AMV videos went “viral” and by that I mean 2000+ views, but with my love for Doctor Who still at a high I started making videos called Homemade Doctor Who a title I stole from someone else as I found their ones. I used my dad’s camera for the first few episodes. Then came Christmas and my parents said I could either have an electric scooter or my own camera. I was torn but I think I made the right choice, I was already doing Hospital Radio but this made me want to go into TV instead.

This type of video making stopped when I got into Online Radio Presenting when I was 14 online, one day on Habbo I went into a roleplaying room where you could have a family. On Habbo there’s a follow to room option so I followed a family member to a Touchwood roleplaying room where I met… @joshwwwa189. The person I followed wasn’t in the room, logging out prior to my entrance. This was common on Habbo. But, if I was a few seconds later, I would never have met one of the closest people I have in my life. 

He was the one that got me into vlogging and watching other vlogger’s and sketch makers on YouTube, inspiring RJMakesVids. Making me want to study Media in College, then to Uni, then running for a film then the BBC, then applying for Producer jobs while working in a Social Media one.


I studied Film, TV, Web & Radio from the second I could in Year 10 and I kept it going until University. I studied theory even though I hated it, to practical aspects. I’ve written so many things I am proud of and so many things I am ashamed to have my name on, but such is life. I’ve worked freelance, I’ve been contracted, I’ve created my own web series, helped others with theirs. Been tech advice for so many that are now in the industry too.

There’s a lot of other media things I have done online since the start, and it goes out like a branching tree never stopping and it’s nice to know that the one person that send me on this path is still my friend after 9 years. 

Today’s song is one he sent me in 2011/2012 I think. Just to show he cares.

Song of the Day: My Best Friend – Weezer