for your health. let’s be okay: day 4

HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU!?

You try to go to bed early but the memes pull you into a void until 1am, so then when you wake up, you feel anxious, groggy and sad?

#relatable #amirite

I thought this mood would linger all day but things changed quickly when I started playing music and running to the train station. Mid-2000s punk and exercise. Whodathought?

I’ve started curating my life a bit more by getting Plant Buddy (Water Drinking App) and MyFitnessPal again. This should help me make better choices.

As it’s only 9am as I’m writing this, this may completely fail later. WHO KNOWS!?

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I AM DOING SWELL. I’M FOLLOWING MY DIET AND I DRANK LOTS OF WATER! I AM PROUD OF MYSELF!

My confidence came back a bit today, I felt like my old self a bit and I liked that. I think blogging this is SUPER helpful, but we still have 26 more days to go so WHO KNOWS!? I did message someone on Tinder to and if you know me, you know my emotional issues for dating are messed up so this is a very good step for me.

Oh, HMRC let me know I have my tax money coming back to me so that’s VERY NICE! I cancelled a credit card, so I managed my life.

I am realising now that I’m spending more than I should be, like everyday. -coughs-

Things I bought today:
New Camera Lens: £34

Things I ate today:
Breakfast – Coffee & Croissant £1
Lunch – Turkey & Beef Sandwich, Apple and Grape Mix & Water £3
Dinner – Pizza Slice & Burger with Tortilla Chips (Home Food)
Dessert – Two Brownies (Home Food)

Calories – 2000

I really like MyFitnessPal, it’s super helpful.

Song of the Day: I Don’t Want To Be Sad – Simple Plan

a pause. – let’s be okay – day 3

X Infinity is such a good album okay guys, like… it’s so well made.

It’s not my favourite Watsky album but it’s definitely the best produced and has some of the greatest themes of any Watsky album to date.

Today was a pause. I had work and I felt good. I still have moments of internal anger at things in my life but we are only 3 days in and trying to heal a fundamental issue in my life I’ve had since I was a child, in which the only way I could get people to notice me was clawing my way through things with anger and over bearing passion.

Yeah, we can fix that in 3 days!

Today being a good day means everything to me right now, I went to IKEA which is a literal haven to me. It’s like walking around the place and seeing everything organised and everything clean actually soothes my soul. (also, laughing at IKEA names. @isjustforshiggles told me about Tarta Blabar.

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Money I spent:
Uber: £8
IKEA: £11 (Coffee Press, Candle, Pots, Dustpan and Brush)
ASDA: Weekly Shop £20

Not good on the saving money.

Food:
A lot of junk I am not going to blog about as that will make me sad.

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But what made me happy today is that I felt good in my outfit.

Song of the Day: Watsky’s Lovely Thing Suite. All 4 parts.

move back to move forward? – let’s be okay: day 2

I applied for a job in Swansea. It’s a media job so I would be doing what I love and also save a lot of money from travelling and living with my parents again. I moved to Cardiff to get into the media industry and be around those I care about but I don’t feel as connected to this city as I used to be. Maybe, it’s just a phase and at the end of the month I’ll think… Nah, I’m pretty good here. I just set up a pretty nice display in my room and moving means I have to take it down and I’m not about that life son.

Moving forward sometimes means retracing your steps and going over what you have learned. The skills I gained from moving out have been amazing and I will use them the rest of my life. I understand my actions and consequences more about how I spend my money and I can’t just rely on my luck because it will run out at some point.

Nobody I know what’s to move to Cardiff which means I’d have to go at it alone now, which in a minimum wage job… is close to impossible. The option is in front of me and I can get off this train at anytime, but I need to make sure I do so if I see the track running out.

Now from working in the media to consuming it:

I finished Stranger Things before I went to sleep last night so I decided to start Crazy Ex Girlfriend today, it’s super awkward and VERY musical. So I’m enjoying it. I’ve also been trying to do Finish February but turns out Kingdom Hearts DDD gets hard. Like, too many mechanics need to be grinded.

Things I bought:
Fox Capture Plan – Butterfly – £8.61
Shawn James – Through the Valley – £0.79

Today’s Food:
Tuna Sandwich
Noodles & Noodle Sandwich
Bottle of Coke
Potato Wedges

Song of the Day: Spiderweb – The Mowgli’s

let’s be okay: day 1

I’ve always been the kind of person that manages to make himself a project to make sure his mental health is okay, lately my mental health has been suffering. I have pretty bad anxiety again and my internal anger has not been healthy for me. #BrainBanterAmIRite? 

So what am I doing in these 30 days exactly? Writing about how I feel day to day, what I’ve eaten, if I’ve been set off on an anxiety or anger episode I’ll be writing about what set it off. I’m stepping away from some relationships of mine I feel have been triggering this and focusing on myself more. I’m gunna relax more (hopefully).

Also, I’ll be writing how much I’ve been spending. Looking at what I’ve been eating will help my physical health, my anxiety and anger episodes will be good to review my mental health and my finances for my wealth.

Day 1:

Waking up to snow when you’re a student fills you with joy. When you have a full time job you groan and think… will I be able to get home later? Luckily, it stopped snowing within the hour and my roommate gave me a lift to pick up my new phone from the post office. Arriving into work I felt good, I was working with Sharon. We’re very similar in personality. Passionate and determined but hot headed and emotional. We either get on like a house on fire or we are the house on fire. 

I was feeling pretty good, I was still happy from going to dinner with my best friend yesterday as I love him very much and I always let him know that. 

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Things in work were quiet, we were doing our best but other than that, I couldn’t do much. For breakfast I had a Sausage in a Panini (£0.32 on clearance) and for lunch I had a Subway (£4) After a phone call from the boss saying the sales were poor from our end and they should be higher due to it being busy today that set me into my anger mood. When it feels someone is attacking my ability to work, I get very angry and I internalise it. I will speak briefly about my frustration but I hold the majority of my anger inside and become very defensive and agitated. 

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That set the mood for the night. I was mad. I listened to my favourite album (We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things. by Jason Mraz) to calm down but being set into an angry mood put me into the frame of mind where I imagine arguing with everyone I have a slight issue with at the time on repeat until I can distract myself. 

When I got home, I decided to do this blog…

I also ate 2 tuna sandwiches and 2 brownies. (I was sad okay.)

I’m now sat on my bed listening to House of the Rising Sun staying calm now that I’ve had a slight nap too. Tomorrow is a day off and I might just spend it doing nothing.

I’m gunna go have a bath with Dragon Egg bathbomb from Lush and calm down.

Song of the Day: Butterfly – Jason Mraz

the next step. | 2017

So, 2016 happened. We’re all over it now. Trying to move on, the relationship wasn’t a healthy one but we’ve got this.

The aim of last year was meant to be: Move out, stay out of debt and learn to drive.

Hey, at least I moved out! Yeah, I feel like a failure but I’ve already written a post about that so… you know. Let’s focus on the now. 

This year, I need to get out of debt. That’s aim one. Aim two is new job. I like this job but it’s not what I studied for. I want to do something I love and learned for. So it’s time to bust out the camera, get my presenting personality out of the cupboard and practise and learn again. 

I want to learn how to drive, it would be amazing to do that, but my debt comes first. 

All I know right now is that I’m determined. Hey… I maybe stressed and full of debt ridden anxiety, but I’m determined.