a little bit snobby – let’s be okay: day 16

I grew up opposite a council estate. smelling like cigarettes. I had brothers who constantly got in trouble and who lived in council housing with their mother who often had to live with us because of arguing with their mother.

I hated being seen in the same light as them.

I was different to them, not better. Just different. The things I liked, the way I acted. I was the only boy who didn’t do Rugby or Football. I did Gymnastics, I played Violin, I enjoyed reading. 

When people started treating me different because I was cut from the same cloth as my siblings who were always in trouble, I began to hate them. I viewed them as lesser because the world viewed them as lesser. My bullies put into me that they were lesser people and I was being bullied because of their “chaviness”. I really didn’t want to be in the same light as them. 

I look back now and CLEARLY I was blaming the wrong people. This made me grow to be snobby. This made me think I had to be better than them. I look to my brother Jamie now and I see an amazing dad who has fought through so much. He had his first kid at 19, I would fight anyone who said he was a bad dad. I look at my older sister and her daughter who is just the sweetest girl I’ve ever met and I genuinely love them. Amanda felt sad one day and sent me a message on Facebook saying she loved me. I didn’t know if it was for me or not as we never message on Facebook, but I said it back as I do. She told me that Christmas why she did it and my reply meant the world to her. She is such a strong person, but very soft too.

After becoming a teenager and being bullied and ridiculed for my family’ choices, I viewed being a chav as being low-class and below me.

In my adult years, I’ve realised nobody is below me and everyone can surprise you, but clearly somethings are still holding on which I need to work on. People can like what they like, just be a good and honest person. That’s all.

This has all come from a comment in passing about something “chavvy” which @ohitsjustkim called me out on. This actually stopped me and made me think about what i just said. Kim pointed out the stupid things people judge “chavs” on. Thank you, Kim. I needed it. 

Song of the Day – Broken Record – Tessa Violet

evanescence to mise en scène. let’s be okay: day 10

1 third of the way through this bad boy! WOO!

After writing about presenting on a Habbo fansite yesterday, I wanted to talk more about where I started as a media creative. Picture this, it’s 2006 and I’m in love with a Video Game called Kingdom Hearts 2… okay yes, it’s not much different to now but I would have looked like this okay…

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I had access to a Windows XP computer with Windows Movie Maker and I began editing AMV’s of Kingdom Hearts to Evanescene songs and The Ping Pong song by Enrique Iglesias. I started uploading them to a new website called YouTube. YES, AT THIS TIME. YOUTUBE WAS NEW. I signed up for an account named TheDoctor2007 but instantly forgot my password and made a new one called badwolfcurse.  

My AMV videos went “viral” and by that I mean 2000+ views, but with my love for Doctor Who still at a high I started making videos called Homemade Doctor Who a title I stole from someone else as I found their ones. I used my dad’s camera for the first few episodes. Then came Christmas and my parents said I could either have an electric scooter or my own camera. I was torn but I think I made the right choice, I was already doing Hospital Radio but this made me want to go into TV instead.

This type of video making stopped when I got into Online Radio Presenting when I was 14 online, one day on Habbo I went into a roleplaying room where you could have a family. On Habbo there’s a follow to room option so I followed a family member to a Touchwood roleplaying room where I met… @joshwwwa189. The person I followed wasn’t in the room, logging out prior to my entrance. This was common on Habbo. But, if I was a few seconds later, I would never have met one of the closest people I have in my life. 

He was the one that got me into vlogging and watching other vlogger’s and sketch makers on YouTube, inspiring RJMakesVids. Making me want to study Media in College, then to Uni, then running for a film then the BBC, then applying for Producer jobs while working in a Social Media one.

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I studied Film, TV, Web & Radio from the second I could in Year 10 and I kept it going until University. I studied theory even though I hated it, to practical aspects. I’ve written so many things I am proud of and so many things I am ashamed to have my name on, but such is life. I’ve worked freelance, I’ve been contracted, I’ve created my own web series, helped others with theirs. Been tech advice for so many that are now in the industry too.

There’s a lot of other media things I have done online since the start, and it goes out like a branching tree never stopping and it’s nice to know that the one person that send me on this path is still my friend after 9 years. 

Today’s song is one he sent me in 2011/2012 I think. Just to show he cares.

Song of the Day: My Best Friend – Weezer

my butt is numb. – let’s be okay: day 9

I woke up at 10. It’s a day off of work. I love it.

I did nothing but play video games, some laundry and watched YuGiOh: Dark Side of Dimensions (which in fact was the GAYEST thing I have ever seen, it’s great).

As a heads up, I live-streamed Ori and the Blind Forest today and I sat on my but for 6 hours straight until it was numb. I MEAN IT. MY BUTT AND LEGS WERE SUPER NUMB! I didn’t go for a pee break, or get food or even stretch my legs. How did I use to do this??? Oh yeah, I didn’t feel the pressure to keep playing as I wanted the stream to keep going so I could go pee and eat.

Though playing video games for that long has made me realise that I miss doing that during college and university. Livestreaming it reminded me of doing Radio Presenting for an old Habbo fansite called FlameHabbo. I spent a long time doing it and I’m still friends with one person from that site, @joshwwwa189. We hated each other when we met and that was the same for over a year! Until we actually friends.

It’s times like this where I realise I did a lot in my youth even though I didn’t go out much, I still had tons of friends. I learned a lot, which I still use today and often in my actual jobs. I just want to keep using my spare time to learn, I need to move to Cardiff so I spend less time travelling and more time DOING.

Song of the Day: Naru, Embracing the Light – Ori and the Blind Forest.

drink to that. – let’s be okay: day 8

Waking up with 6 hours sleep when you have to travel an hour to work compared to waking up with 6 hours sleep to take 20 minutes to walk to work is a massive difference.

I was wearing the clothes from the previous day, after having a quick shower. After yesterday’s guilty binge on food I was determined to make sure I ate correctly. So I had a sausage panini… HEY! THE NICE LADY FROM TESCO GOT IT FOR ME FOR LIKE 31P! This is why I stopped being a vegetarian. Clearance meat is always better quality than clearance vegetables. Also, I have a vitamin deficiency which eating cheese does not fix.

For lunch I had a Beef and Turkey Sandwich from Tesco. I have had 903 calories all day and haven’t gone over on any of my sugar allowances and I drank 3 litres of water. WOOO!

I was talking to someone on Tinder more today, I’m glad I’m more open to the idea of dating. I like people and sometimes they like me too. I should be open to being liked, it feels good.

The day in work was pretty average, but we went for work drinks after. It was nice to see everyone all at once, we’ve been quite far apart from each other with recent rota’s in work and it was nice to get everyone together.

I write this after 2 Whiskey’s and a Guiness on a pretty empty stomach. So I’m feeling something on this train back home. Being around other workers who actually care about each other and they don’t just treat you as colleagues is lovely and makes me hate the idea of leaving at some point.

Song of the Day: This is the Life – Amy MacDonald. 

sleep in, sleep over. – let’s be okay: day 7

We’re a week into this and I have to say, this is very easy to do as it’s something I enjoy doing! This morning started with a realisation that Spring is on the way, from the weather, to the smell and I am loving every minute of it. I had 9 hours of sleep, (catching up from my 6 hours).

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After cooking breakfast, we went to go see Lego Batman. Good film, great banter. It’s a cooky and fun time! Me and Tom went back to his and ordered Pizza and watched Bridesmaids. I liked being cliche. I had Haagen-Dazs too.

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Me and Tom have been laughing and joking around today and I’ve noticed I’m not anxious, and we’ve been having a very good time. It’s been a nice bro bonding day. 👍👍👍👍👍👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌

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Resting well and relaxing well is important.

Look after yourselves and your friends, they’re important too.

<3

Song of the Day: (I Just) Died in your Arms – Cutting Crew